QUICK BITE. QUICK POST // Hannah's Bretzel

Color me impressed and covered in pricy (totally worth it) chocolate. I walk past Hannah's Bretzel all the time, but never step my Vans inside. This is for one reason and one reason only - I eat Greek yogurt and an apple everyday at lunch. I'm Fatbained, not stupid and calories at lunch add up. I'd rather do most of my heavy feasting and sweet eatin' at night. But today is Friday so I was like, come on now, live it up a little, throw caution to the wind and get a damn sandwich already. Caution was thrown, a sandwich was gobbled, everyone left happy including my wallet and waistband. 

EAT// Wild Alaskan Smoked Salmon Wecken
YOU WILL LOVE IT - If you are a fake vegetarian who eats fish and has a soft spot for smoked salmon

NOT SO // Standard Market Grill

We are still reeling from last night's plantains foster episode over at Handlebar, but we will do our best to give Standard Market Grill the attention it deserves. As we weaved our way through the restaurant we were pleasantly surprised when we saw all the delightful looking items on everyone's plates. Sweet potato fries piled high. Fresh salads with lots of stuff in giant bowls. Free cucumber water!? Woah a really smart chick must have been responsible for this concept. So yea we are HAVING AN UNHEALTHY ATTRACTION TO THIS ESTABLISHMENT, but who cares. We have fat brains and everyone will just have to deal. It's an order off the menu at the front desk and take a number situation, but they do have waiters that come around to ask if you want more wine or whatever, so it's cool. We were practically famished when we arrived, so it's hard to remember every little detail, but everything was super delish and filling. I wish there was a dessert menu, but the free cookie at the end was a very nice touch.

SHARE // Crunchy Shrimp Lettuce Wraps
The peanut sauce, oh yes

EAT// Tuna Cobb Salad OR The Crunch Seared Tofu 
Oh so crunchy and fresh and the champagne vinaigrette is killer

BIG FLAVORS // Tiny Lounge

Tiny Lounge has it goin' on. They serve-up perfectly proportioned sharing plates and upscale cocktails without the Downtown price tag. This little gem offers a variety of tasty items to choose from, so even vegetarians can indulge. I fell in love and just about proposed to that sweet potato empanada - the chimichurri sauce, wowza. John and I usually swoon over everything here, but our very favorite dish is the mussels - you can get a half portion if you just want a little. I have been been dying to try the fried Wisconsin cheese curds, but that's a conversation for another day. Now back to the important stuff in life - cocktails. I am telling you people, the Whiskey Sour is so good you will do a little jig right there in front of the Golden Angel. All in all, tiny is in and over-sized entrees are out. It's also situated in our very own neighborhood, SCORE. Lincoln Square can I get a what what?

DRINK // Whiskey Sour 
Hands down, best WS we've had the pleasure of tasting
 
SHARE // Island Mussels, Sweet Potato Empanadas & Curried Cauliflower
Mmmm mmm mmm. Can you please sell that chimichurri sauce in to go containers?

STILL HUNGRY // Catfish Tacos
Refreshing, crunchy and delish

CAN I GET A TACO DE PESCADO // Big Star

OK so yeah we have the nerve to review Big Star. Let's be honest, a place so killer that patrons will gladly wait three hours to enter doesn't need reviewing. We can't help ourselves though, we want to shout TACO DE PESCADO from the rooftops or better yet, the yellow taco truck situated next to the restaurant. Big Star is so feakin' delicious that we basically black out during the consumption part of the meal... And when we come to, we order more.

SHARE // Chips and Guacamole  AND Ensalada De Big Star  

The chips are limey and the guacamole is extra guacy, let's swim in that salad

EAT // Taco De Pescado 

Feels like you have been transported to California, but better, this kids got it

DRINK // La Paloma

Goes good with more fish tacos

REPEAT // Taco De Pescado 

Or else you will be sorry you didn't order more

GIDDYUP // Bridge House Tavern

We are hesitant to review this restaurant since we think its such a hidden gem, we're selfish like that, but Bridge House Tavern is the cats pajamas and the world (also known as a handful of our friends reading this) needs to know. The bartenders make a killer cocktail, but more importantly they are attractive. The food is tasty and the menu options are diverse, but what really makes this place sing is the view. Top that off with a carafe of The Horse Collar and stay a while... Or until your boyfriend tells you to giddy on up, its a work night.

SHARE // Cheese Board

This puts most boards to shame, its bursting with fruit, nuts and delicious cheeses, holy cow

EAT // Salmon on Toast

Smoked salmon, mascarpone and candied onions layered in a mason jar with lots of bread for dipping, I was hooked to that jar like gum on a sidewalk 

DRINK // The Horse Collar

It has ginger beer in it, enough said

ALL I CAN SAY IS, PIE // Beatrix

Beatrix: The best, yum, oh man so good. You will be pleased as pie, and seriously whats the story with that caramel pie and why haven't we been eating it all of our lives? Side note, It was a workday birthday so this fatbrain toned it down and went white wine (cause I'm civilized like that). After 6pm all bets are off and we encourage you to go straight to the mixed cocktail list, they looked on point. Oh and the ambiance and bakery section. Wowzas, can we move in?

SHARE // Kennebec Fries, Soft Poached Egg Mayo & Hummus and Warm Naan

The sauces the come with the fries will have you panting

EAT // Supernatural Chopped Salad 

Sweet suzie q, this might be the best salad I've ever had the pleasure of eating

SWEET TREATS // Oh My! Caramel Pie

Creamy caramel, whipped cream AND a cookie crust - I'm dead

TWOFATBRAINS DO VEGAS COUPLE STYLE // A Bunch of Good Stuff Happened

Once upon a time, not very long ago a normal sized man and a brilliant woman had a killer idea - LET'S GO TO VEGAS. We figured we would probably skip out on all invites otherwise so we might as well see what all the fuss is about. We pulled the trigger and did Vegas couple style. What's couple style? Lots of eating, teeth checking, practical thinking, reading, cocktail ordering and bed sleeping. Gotta give it up to Vegas on the eating front, all the major food groups are covered, unlike the strippers who are mostly naked. We totally tore up the town and then swallowed it. Some of our (non-fancy) favorites are Julian Serrano, Jean Philippe, Five50, Park on Freemont, and Holsteins. Theres are the standouts.

JULIAN SERRANO 

EAT // Black Rice, Avocado Cannelloni, Seared Scallop 

All these dishes are killer, the cannelloni is worth a million bucks

DRINK // Sangria

JEAN PHILIPPE 

EAT // Coconut Gelato

Perfect nightcap, real coconut, real delicious

FIVE50

EAT // Margarita or Blanca 

A little slice of cheese heaven, reminds us of Jersey pie, that's a good thing

PARK ON FREMONT

EAT // Sweet Potato Tater Tots 

Holy hell the honey mustard dipping sauce with the sweet salty tots... tastes real good

DRINK // Unicorn

HOLSTEINS

EAT // Ahi Sliders w/ a side of fries, FREE salt and vinegar popcorn

You could eat a million and you should, what happens in Vegas...

Black Rice

Avocado cannelloni

Coconut Gelato

Unicorn

HOLD ON TO YOUR LEDERHOSEN // Chicago Brauhaus

Woah, my mind was just blown. Polka music, dancing, traditional German eats, plates of bratwurst as far as the eye can see and boots of beer right down the street, who knew? The ambiance is seriously anything but typical. As soon as I walked in I was sold on this gem. The free bar snacks and sweet bartenders are awesome, but the red lighting, live-music, retro seating and clientele is what really makes this place pop. You know it has to be pretty darn good considering they don't serve a single vegetarian entrée and I'm still digging this restaurant mucho. Chicago Brauhaus is the real deal, cozy like grandmas house minus the Fixodent and Life Alert. 

DRINK // A Boot of Beer
Don't plan on washing it down with a plate of meat - IT'S LARGE

EAT // The Big Pretzel
Its worth $7 - slather that guy in butter or be sorry

A VERY VERY FINE HOUSE // Our House

Hola friends... yep we fell off the grid again. Twofatbrains has been concentrating on savin' the mula and making it rain home cooked meals and sunshine for the past week. Let's just say this fatbrain did Vegas real good, so good that rearranging furniture, brushing my cat, spray painting tree branches and smashing eggplants (the vegetable) has turned into my new pastime. So we put the plastic down and focused our brains on businesswoman and domesticated matters. This is what materialized (check out that hunk). Don't worry though, Wobbly Wednesday and  Nashville is on the horizon and John and I will be getting our grubby little fingers into all things biscuits and bourbon.

FRESH SUSHI IN AN OLD TOWN // Kamehachi

Vegetarians and fellow pescatarians (for now) let's do this. The Real Housewife approved lemon vodka martini was good and strong. If you're almost thirty and have a career and (or) possibly a baby (yikes) you are no amateur to the post workday drinking game. You are seasoned enough to know that you want, no need, no you would kill for a retreat from your overworked brain by 5pm friday. So what gets our juices flowin' besides 50 shades? A cocktail that tastes decent, looks pretty and packs a punch. So yea that martini thang was tasty and not too shabby on the eyes (that other lemony drink at that glaze-crazed Italian spot downtown is still the best). The sushi however was a real delight. Let's be honest, Chicago is a lot of things but a fresh seafood destination ain't one of them. They got hotdogs, sausages and street feasts on lockdown, but sushi restaurants... Oh no no honey. Not the case here - fresh underwater treasures, delicate rice, just the right amount of spice and not a million dollars. Great I'm in. Everything tasted great and the atmosphere was relaxed but still felt upscale. Well done we will be back Kamehachi. If you care. 

DRINK // A Signature Martini 

A good drink to sip after your head explodes, or before 

EAT // Summer, Spider and Spicy Tuna Deluxe Rolls 
fresh, spicy, savory, light, crunchy sushi goodness is in here people

LIKE DRUNK HISTORY BUT WAY DUMBER // Piccolo Sodno Due

See y'all we are totally sticking to this blogging thang and letting our Twofatbrains fly. What really happened... Mrs. Fatbrain decided to cook over a hot steamin' stove for her flashy-excel-spreadsheet-lovin' husband (whata homemaker) while Ms. Fatbrain chose to throw all her (for the most part) hard-earned money down Piccolo Sogno's second drain and enjoy fancy cocktails and cute appetizers with her main squeeze - one Mr. non-fatbrain Minardi (he's classy and not obsessed with food, but he's a good egg). So y'all want the scoop? I totally forget what the food tasted like and it all went down like 5 seconds ago. All I know is the lemony cocktail is legit and you should totally get it, now, seriously go. Crisp, refreshing and full of good old fashioned strong booze, just like God and every Italian man intended. If you must eat something (they are pretty adamant on filling you up with various Italian delicacies) I'd suggest getting pretty much anything and covering it in their famous balsamic gaze. Seriously pop some on a napkin and go to town, who cares. 

DRINK // That "Piccolo" Lemon Drink

you WILL finger dance and be merry. You WILL smile all the way home, trust

SHARE // Roasted Beets and Goat Cheese Salad  

this is pretty good. like I said, cover it in the balsamic glaze for a total blissful situation. Some eggplant thing not on the menu is pretty stellar too 

FATBRAINS GOT TOO BIG FOR THEIR BRITCHES // Ground Control

Twofatbrains really dropped the PB filled malt ball after only two posts, so lame. We all know eating has happened, a lot. We've probably eaten out 17 times this month, but have been too preoccupied with searching for dresses that make our bods look hot to take some damn photos and post our fat thoughts. We needed a swift kick in the ass to get back on track, Ground Control to major fatbrains to the rescue. GC is cool. It's not fancy. It's not hipster. It's not trying too hard. It's just a regular person vegetarian joint in Logan Square. Weird artwork? We dig. Beer and wine selection? Rad. Grub? Just Ehh. We wouldn't say it was bad, but it didn't floor our asses. Our behinds were actually still pretty hungry so we ended up housing some skinny pop and acai berries later on. Whats up with these chocolate gems by the way? Are they good for you? Whats the story, lay it on us because we can't find it in Women's Health. Oh and those PB malt balls, you can get them in the scoop ya own candy section at Mariano's. Here's the complete lowdown.

DRINK // Water in a glass, no straw

when you have been boozin' for a straight year and need to dry out

SHARE // Plantain Cakes

these are light. the sauce is pretty saucy and comfort foody, but them cakes are SMALL

EAT // Zesty Salad 

pretty good. we wouldn't order it if we were headed to the electric chair

 

Portobello Sandwhich

(w/ wasabi mayo and tempura avocado) this was legit. good sauce, fluffy roll and crispy avocado. MMM

NOT JUST A MUSTACHE // Handlebar

Our second review... Here we go. Handlebar is cozy, no-frills spot in Wicker Park. The menu options are diverse, filling and oh so perfect for our Twofatbrains and skinny pockets. If you know us at all, you know one thing to be true - we are pretty much head over heels in love with nachos.  We dream about nachos at least two times a day and three times in our actual dreams. We have tried a many nacho in this city and Handlebar's version is hands-down/belly-out the best. It ain't easy to find a vegetarian plate of um that satisfies our craving, so we applaud you Handlebar. Cheesy, lots of stuff, seitan "chorizo" deliciousness. We know you had us in mind when you put these babies on the menu, just don't ever take them off, you will have a mutiny on your hands. Oh and we have no photos to share, you will just have to trust us on this. Next up, the perfect burrito, could take a while, stay tuned. We will keep eating other stuff in the meantime. 

DRINK // Rye Old Fashioned

tastes good with nachos. Any cocktail will.

SHARE // "Chorizo" Black Bean Nachos

reminds us of bar nachos minus the meat. finally.

EAT // Black Bean Manduro

tastes good with nachos. Any entree will.

A COCKTAIL LUNCH WITH JUST COCKTAILS, THATS BORING // Hub 51

This is our first review and post, hope its not a real stinker. Are you still there? Yea? Cool. Who and what is Twofatbrains? In short, we are two (in our opinion) skinny vegetarian chicks with big, no huge, no super FAT brains. We are best friends (trying real hard to not sound like a 15 year old with a bedazzler in her right hand here) who are basically attached at the hip. We work together. We play together. We buy animals with the same name together. We talk about food together, its a sickness really. So it's a real good thing we live in the fat brain mecca - Chicago. 

We are so freakishly obsessed with food that we felt it necessary to dedicate a day out of each week to celebrate food and booze in all its glory - Wobbly Wednesday and now - Twofatbrains was born (we didn't copyright that name, but don't steal it, thats super rude).

What the heck do we review? Food, cocktails, you know all that really matters in the world.

What type of food do we review? Awesome stuff. We mainly focus our brains on fair that is vegetarian, fresh and healthy… But always has a fat flair. 

What restaurants do we review? Restaurants that aren't necessarily vegetarian-centric. We love a good "we can really eat everything on this menu" restaurant, but thats too easy and those places are few and far between. We sniff out the best items on those regular, non hippy, meat eater restaurant menus. Its a mission really. Oh and one fat brained friend is gluten intolerant, so we might as well keep y'all informed on which restaurants will put up with you.

Our first post, yeeehaww its happening! Talking about food is the best. Hub 51 is one of our favorite lunch/din spots not just because its close by, but because it serves this amazing healthyish app called The Three Green Bites - yum, hand me the soy sauce! They also serve up a pretty little cucumber vodka cocktail that is fresh, light and oh so perfect. Plus its not too sugary, we're telling you this kid has it all. The tuna poke is so good you will literally want to get up out of your cozy leather seat and start dancing with joy. partake if you are a pescatarian, its the best. Hit this up hungry friends. 

DRINK // The Cucumber Cuatro

where's the yacht parked?

SHARE // The Three Green Bites

ask for "THE" dipping sauces.

FISH //Ahi Tuna Poke

amazing, seriously. amazing.

By: Heather Vanisko